"The only problem is that I get a lot of my personal sexual joy out of making her feel good (I top most of the time, although I love when she does want to top me back-again, I just want her to feel good!), and unless I'm constructing a totally elaborate scenario to jack off to, it feels ... mechanical."
"I'm worried I'm too attached to her if I can't feel satisfied without actually having sex, and I really don't want to be too clingy (or, even worse, creepy). But we're in love, so being "too attached" isn't THAT bad, right? We're both monogamous, and I'm really not interested in getting on the apps, especially since I would have to explain that I'm engaged"
Both partners have very high sex drives but struggle to synchronize sex because one works long, late shifts and the other is in medical school. Sexual activity has become mostly solo masturbation at alternating hours accompanied by sexual texting. The narrator derives most sexual joy from making the fiancée feel good and finds solo sessions mechanical and unfulfilling unless elaborately fantasized. The narrator worries about being too attached, clingy, or creepy. Both are monogamous and unwilling to pursue casual hookups or apps due to engagement and a small conservative town. Attempts to schedule weekly at-home dates are undermined by fatigue and missed shifts.
Read at Slate Magazine
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