"Throughout my life, even as a child, my desire was for independence and dignity. I have always wanted to make my own choices, from what I eat and wear, and where I live, to who my friends are, and even who I vote for."
"Unfortunately, there were many perks to my first hospital in Los Angeles. Unlike many facilities where going outside is impossible, this hospital had a beautiful enclosed courtyard with a lawn and trees."
"I felt like a hamster confined to a cage and badly wanted to get out, wishing I could be homeless again and freely walk the parks every day as I was accustomed to."
"After my first hospitalization, I quickly discontinued my meds due to side effects and rebounded into full psychosis, leading to my second hospitalization."
Independence and dignity were lifelong desires, sought through choices in life. Severe, treatment-resistant schizophrenia led to an involuntary hospitalization, stripping away those aspects. Despite some positives at the hospital, I felt trapped, yearning for my previous freedom and dignity associated with homelessness. My perception of the hospital's benefits did not align with my internal struggle. After an initial hospitalization, I faced challenges with medication side effects, which resulted in a return to psychosis and subsequent hospitalization.
Read at Psychology Today
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