Learning To Feel Safe Resting After a Lifetime of People-Pleasing - Tiny Buddha

"For years, I thought exhaustion was a sign I lived fully and did my best that day. I felt proud of being exhausted. I squeezed every bit out of the day, and there was nothing left. If I felt tired, I pushed myself to do just one more thing. It was always just one more thing."

"If I needed to lie down, I scolded myself for being weak. Around me, it seemed everyone else could keep going-working late, saying yes to every request, holding it all together, and getting everything done. So I pushed harder. I drank more coffee, ignored the pounding in my chest, and told myself I'd rest "later," as a reward."

"People-pleasing is often misunderstood as kindness, but at its core it's a survival strategy. Psychologists call it the "fawn response." When fight or flight aren't possible, some of us learn to stay safe by appeasing others-saying yes, staying agreeable, avoiding conflict at all costs. This might protect us in unsafe environments, but over time it takes a toll. The body stays on high alert- scanning for others' needs, monitoring their tone of voice, ready to jump in and smooth things over."

Exhaustion was often interpreted as proof of a full, productive life, prompting pride in being drained. Constantly pushing through tiredness and adding “just one more thing” became habitual, often soothed later with coffee and passive comforts. The core fatigue came from chronic people-pleasing, a survival strategy called the fawn response. When fight or flight are unavailable, appeasement feels safer and keeps the body on alert, scanning for others' needs and avoiding conflict. In that state, genuine rest feels unsafe and inaccessible, leaving little energy for self-care or replenishment.

Read at Tiny Buddha