"Let's do a thought experiment. You are with a classroom of kindergarteners. The teacher has left for a few minutes and told you to stay with the children. Next thing you know, the fire alarm goes off. What do you do if there's no way to call someone before making the decision? I think most of us would gather the children and take them to the designated meeting place for fire drills."
"I had broken a rule, and I got yelled at. It was the first time I got in trouble-the first time I wasn't "the good child." I was so ashamed, I couldn't tell my parents what happened. In fact, I told them a big fat lie instead. I told them I couldn't go to school the next day because we were going to swim, and I didn't have a bathing suit."
Teaching children to obey adult instructions is a central part of parenting. Children develop obedience and compliance skills over time and vary widely in their pace of learning. Overemphasis on obedience can punish logical, safety-oriented choices made by children in ambiguous situations. A fire-alarm thought experiment and a personal childhood anecdote show how a child acting for safety or out of fear can be shamed despite reasonable intent. Parents can balance clear instruction with encouragement of independent judgment, moral reasoning, and recognition of developmental differences to celebrate broader forms of growth.
Read at Psychology Today
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