Not everyone who goes quiet during an argument is punishing you. Some of them learned in childhood that their anger, once expressed, became the only thing anyone responded to, and the original hurt disappeared entirely. So they stopped expressing it. Not to win. To preserve the point. - Silicon Canals

"Many individuals learned that the moment they showed anger, the anger became the entire conversation. The thing they were actually hurt about vanished. Their parents responded to the volume, the tone, the tears, the visible distress. Not the cause."

"Children figure out fast what gets attended to. Attachment research has shown that a caregiver's ability to correctly interpret and respond to a child's signals is central to psychological security."

"What happens when a parent only responds to the most dramatic version of the signal? A child comes home upset because a friend excluded them at lunch. They mention it quietly. Nothing happens."

"The child's experience: I tried to tell them I was hurt. They did not hear me until I got dramatic."

Silence in conflict is often misinterpreted as a power play, but for some, it is a protective response rooted in childhood experiences. Many individuals learned that expressing anger overshadowed their actual hurt, leading them to withdraw instead of confront. This behavior stems from a lack of appropriate responses from caregivers, who only reacted to dramatic expressions of emotion. Consequently, these individuals may feel unheard and resort to silence to preserve their feelings and avoid further emotional distress.

Read at Silicon Canals