"We were walking home from the grocery store in West Yorkshire, England, when a group of teenage boys blocked our path in a narrow alleyway. They hurled racist insults and told us to "go back home." My reaction was instantaneous: Stay quiet, avoid conflict, and get past them as quickly as possible. I grabbed my mother's arm, urging her to move with me. But she didn't."
"She wasn't loud or aggressive. And in that moment, she showed me that defiance doesn't always roar, and it can come from the people you least expect. I've carried these lessons into my work as a physician-turned-organizational psychologist. For decades, I've studied why people comply, staying silent when they don't want to, and how they can resist wisely. In my book Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes,"
Defiance often appears in small, tense moments when conscience collides with compliance. People commonly imagine defiance as dramatic outbursts, but quiet, composed resistance can be powerful. A typically deferential mother confronted teenage attackers by stopping, meeting their eyes, and calmly asking, "What do you mean?", demonstrating that composed questioning can unsettle aggressors. Many workplace dilemmas involve pressure to comply, creating knots of anxiety over speaking up versus staying silent. Behavioral science identifies patterns of compliance and offers a framework for resisting wisely. Intentional, values-aligned defiance can be effective without aggression and helps individuals avoid complicity.
Read at Fast Company
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