Why the Holidays Can Awaken Grief for Who We Used to Be

"The holiday season often brings a mix of warmth, memory, and emotional intensity. Many people describe feeling unexpectedly sad or unsettled this time of year, even when nothing distressing has happened recently. This emotional heaviness is often assumed to be grief for loved ones who are no longer here. But another kind of grief frequently arises, one that is quieter and rarely named: grief for the selves we once were."

"Holiday environments are rich with sensory cues: music, scents, decorations, and familiar foods. Research on emotional memory, including work by Holland and Kensinger (2010), shows that emotionally significant cues can vividly reactivate earlier states of mind. This helps explain why a certain song or smell can instantly transport you back to a younger version of yourself, complete with the emotional texture of that time."

Holiday settings combine music, smells, decorations, and familiar foods that serve as strong emotional cues. Emotionally significant cues vividly reactivate earlier states of mind, transporting people back to younger versions with original emotional textures. These reactivations can reignite grief not only for deceased loved ones but also for lost roles, identities, beliefs, dreams, and anticipated futures. People may grieve former confidence, defining relationships or roles, abandoned dreams, and chapters that felt simpler or safer. Holiday traditions and comparisons between current and idealized past selves make psychological losses more visible and can produce unexpected sadness even when current life appears stable.

Read at Psychology Today