"Even though Christmas hasn't come yet, I'd suggest waiting until after the holiday to talk about this, with a focus on next year. Your middle child is perhaps still working out how to negotiate splitting holidays, as the relationship is new and every extended family has its own traditions. Talking about the plan for next year keeps this from being a conversation about what your child or his girlfriend did wrong."
"Instead approach it from a logistical point of view but don't be afraid to advocate for what you want. We love having you at the holidays. We also have lots of experience alternating holidays. We really appreciated you making Thanksgiving work and it was great to have you for what time you could be here. It would mean a lot to have you here for future holid"
Wait until after the upcoming holiday to discuss holiday plans and center the conversation on next year to avoid casting blame. Recognize that a newly serious relationship requires negotiation of traditions and splitting time between families. Approach the conversation as a logistical planning discussion while clearly expressing desires to alternate holidays and share time. Express appreciation for the effort already made to attend and emphasize how much future presence would mean. Advocate calmly and practically for a plan that balances both families’ traditions and the couple’s needs, allowing space for compromise and adjustment as the relationship matures.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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