"If asked, I say I only have a daughter. But I actually disowned my son, "John," when it was discovered that he was committing sex crimes against minors. My husband and I divorced over this: John privately admitted guilt, but my husband insisted he deserved a second chance and paid for a high-priced lawyer from our savings. John got off and is free to put other kids at risk. I don't have words to describe the horror of this situation."
"This is going to come off like a trite answer that's avoiding grappling with the question, but tell them when you want to tell them. I mean it. This might happen in a conversation in which a friend shares something really vulnerable, and you want her to know that you have your own complicated story. Or it might happen when you're feeling really upset and need support."
An older adult moved to a new state to be closer to a daughter's family after a painful divorce and wants guidance about when to disclose a traumatic family history. The person disowned a son, John, after his sex crimes against minors came to light; the husband defended John, paid for his defense, and the son was not convicted, prompting divorce. The writer feels horror and gratitude toward the daughter, has rebuilt life with work, friends, church, and a changed surname, and wonders whether, when, and how to tell new friends and potential partners. The advice given is to disclose when and how she chooses, guided by comfort and context.
Read at Slate Magazine
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