"Hoovering isn't about genuine love or reconnection. It's a manipulation tactic used by narcissists or emotionally abusive partners to regain control once they sense you're leaving or have moved on. This behavior can happen days, months, or even years after the breakup. It often starts when the narcissist feels lonely or threatened, or isn't getting any "narcissistic supply" or attention from their usual sources. The Psychology Behind Hoovering Narcissists seek control and power over you. When you go no-contact or start to rebuild a life separate from them, it challenges the narcissist's fragile self-esteem."
"When the narcissist suddenly reappears and is acting kind or apologetic (but rarely apologizes), your brain releases dopamine, creating a powerful emotional pull. That chemical "high" can make you doubt yourself and question your decision to leave. It's the same process that fuels addictive cycles. Common Hoovering Tactics Hoovering can be subtle or come on strong. The following are common ways that narcissists hoover people: Apologies and promises to change: "I've been in therapy," or "I finally see what I did wrong.""
Hoovering is an emotional manipulation tactic used to pull someone back into a toxic or narcissistic relationship. Narcissists use hoovering when they sense a loss of control or access to attention, and attempts can occur days, months, or years after separation. Common tactics include apologies, promises to change, reminiscing, guilt, shame, and triangulation. A sudden reappearance can trigger dopamine and create a powerful addictive pull that undermines resolve. Maintaining no-contact, setting clear boundaries, refusing to respond, and prioritizing safety and support networks are the most effective protections against hoovering.
Read at Psychology Today
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