"Lazy Love Hearing "I love you" may soothe us in the moment, but it's often the easy part of a relationship. Love is a blessing and a beautiful beginning, but that's when the deeper work starts. A common romantic view is that love alone will carry us through every rough patch. Yet experience-and research-suggests otherwise. Love doesn't automatically or magically create the emotional safety and connection required for a relationship to thrive."
"When Jason and Laura came to see me, Jason genuinely couldn't understand the problem. He knew Laura was unhappy, but couldn't grasp why. When she voiced a concern, he insisted, "But I love you. Why isn't that enough? Don't you get that I love you?" Laura's response was clear and poignant: "I know you love me, but what you don't get is that I don't feel understood. I don't feel seen." It took time-and patience-for Jason to soften his defensiveness and become curious about the emotional understanding Laura longed for. It also required his own inner work to show up in a fuller, more grounded way."
"Feeling understood-not just loved-is what creates true emotional safety in relationships."
Feeling understood, not just loved, produces true emotional safety and deeper connection between partners. Expressions of love can soothe but often fail to meet deeper emotional needs. Partners can drift into "lazy love," taking each other for granted and neglecting emotional attunement. Attuned responses calm the nervous system and allow trust and intimacy to grow gradually. Lack of understanding activates neural circuits tied to social distress, while being understood engages reward and social-cognition regions. Repair requires curiosity, patience, gentle responsiveness, and inner work to soften defensiveness and show up in a fuller, more grounded way.
Read at Psychology Today
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