"When my husband and I first started seriously dating, I bought him a sentimental gift. It was a credit card-sized metal rectangle engraved with a Charles Bukowski quote that made me think of him: "And we are in bed together, laughing, and we don't care about anything." I was worried it'd be way too earnest, but he really loved it, and it has migrated from wallet to wallet as he's had to replace them over the years."
"I can't seem to find the original video now - it may have been taken down - but it showed two friends sitting in a truck together and realizing with shock that they both had pictures of their wives as kids on them at all times. In short, they said it helped them remember that when they're having an argument with their partner, the little girls in the photos are who's really inside of her and that's who they should speak to."
Some men keep childhood photos of their partners in their wallets to remind themselves to be kind during arguments. Many viewers on TikTok reported doing this or wanting to start. The practice raises concerns because it treats adult partners' humanity as contingent on being seen as children, which is infantilizing and insulting. Partners deserve baseline respect and decency without visual prompts. Using sentimental items that acknowledge an adult partner's present self can express love without reducing their maturity or agency. Relying on childhood images to temper behavior avoids addressing deeper communication and emotional-responsibility issues.
Read at Scary Mommy
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