"No need to pull the grandma trick just yet. (Although, your grandma sounds great — can we all agree that hiding cash in someone’s stuff is a little bit of a power move?)"
"Because they have the house, they're the default hosts, and because they host, they often end up paying for things like food and covering things like entry tickets for logistical convenience. Except then they turn around and say not to worry about it when I offer to pay them back for those things, which makes me uncomfortable."
"I don't think they know how much I make, nor how lucky I've gotten with being able to live comfortably and save on that income. It's on paper a bit less than their combined income, but I don't have a mortgage! So, whenever we're out I try to make sure I pay them back, and have to hold myself back from giving them extra to help with the mortgage."
"It feels invasive to ask about their finances, but also from the outside looking in it feels like they're needlessly throwing it away! Is there a way for me to broach the conversation of them letting me pay for things? Do I start pulling the grandma trick of hiding cash in their stuff when I visit?"
A group of friends in their early 20s includes a couple who recently bought a house and often hosts, so they frequently pay for food and entry tickets for convenience. The writer offers to reimburse them, but the couple says not to worry, which creates discomfort because the writer’s income and expenses differ and the writer suspects the couple may be stretching themselves. The writer also feels their repeated attempts to pay back are starting to grate on the couple. The guidance is to avoid secret cash tactics and instead have a direct conversation. The conversation should focus on a practical plan for shared costs, such as splitting bills or reimbursing hosts, while acknowledging that the couple’s financial situation may be different and should be handled respectfully.
Read at Slate Magazine
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