"First figure out what exactly is making intimacy difficult. Is it sheer aesthetics? Is your fear that this person is living an unhealthy lifestyle distracting you? What is the real issue here? She is a grown woman who is allowed to care for herself and her body however she sees fit. Through observations, you have made certain inferences, but if you haven't really had conversations with her about her views on what constitutes fitness, you're just supposing that something is awry."
"I'm not saying that you're absolutely wrong, or that your concern has no place, but what could be done practically? Do you think you can enter her life, tell her that she's doing it all wrong, and that she will submit? Besides, her arms were extremely thin and her breastbone protruded when you met her. At this early stage in your relationship, is the time for you to determine your attraction level and how viable this connection actually is."
Determine whether the problem is purely aesthetic, concern about an unhealthy lifestyle, or another issue interfering with intimacy. Respect that a grown woman may choose how to care for her body and avoid assuming pathology without conversation. Ask direct questions about her fitness beliefs rather than relying solely on observations and inferences. Avoid attempting to control or dictate her choices. Recognize that the physical traits described existed at meeting and use early doubts as a prompt to assess personal attraction and the relationship's viability. Prioritize practical, respectful communication and an honest appraisal of compatibility.
Read at Slate Magazine
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