"If the question is whether you're asking for too much from the universe-whether it's unreasonable to want a male partner who is attracted to you, no matter what size you are-the answer is no. But if the question is whether you're asking for too much from the specific man you're married to, the answer appears to be, unfortunately, yes. At the end of the day, you get to decide how much you're willing to cater to your husband's narrow preferences."
"It would be easy for me to fall back on popular feminist ideology and say, "He should accept you as you are, your body is beautiful, and you need to embrace it," but you're living in reality. You're trying to decide whether to lose weight in order to be able to have sex within your two-decades-long marriage. If other areas of the relationship are lacking, you're choosing between whether to stay or go."
"My husband of 20 years isn't attracted to me because I'm not thin. I'm not obese, but I'm definitely on the thicker side. I have a beautiful face, and although he thinks I'm beautiful, he isn't attracted to bigger women, so he isn't attracted to my body. We haven't had sex in years. I've expressed my frustration, and he said I could sleep with other men if I want to, without letting him know about it."
A woman married for 20 years reports that her husband is not physically attracted to her because she is thicker, despite finding her face beautiful. The couple has not had sex in years, and the husband offered permission to sleep with other men without informing him. The woman is considering losing weight to save sexual intimacy but feels hurt by the husband's narrow preference. Choices include attempting weight loss to restore their sex life, accepting the current situation, exploring consensual alternatives, or ending the marriage if sexual incompatibility remains irreconcilable.
Read at Slate Magazine
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