"When it comes to the dog, I take this as a teaching moment. I gently ask Quill to release the shirt. When she does, I praise her. I do not punish her or criticize her for her shirt thieving behavior. Instead, I reward her for what she is doing right. I am kind and patient, and she is curious and happy to learn. And it works. This little dog quickly learns what is expected of her and she begins to do the right thing."
"So what is this negativity bias I mentioned earlier? According to cognitive science - and our own lived experience - the human mind tends to look for things that are perceived to be wrong, out of place, or different. The mind tends to pay more attention to negative or unwanted information than it does to positive or welcome information. Now here's the thing. It's not your fault that your mind does this automatically."
Quill, a puppy, learns desired behavior through gentle guidance and positive reinforcement: the owner asks for the shirt, praises release, and avoids punishment. The owner contrasts this kindness toward the dog with critical thoughts about a husband who left a shirt on the floor. The human mind naturally focuses on negatives due to an evolutionary survival mechanism that detects anomalies and threats. That tendency helps with detail-oriented tasks but can harm relationships by magnifying faults. Responding to loved ones with patience, kindness, and positive reinforcement promotes learning and harmony, reducing the destructive effects of automatic negativity bias.
Read at The Gottman Institute
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