"I have a friend named Gerry. I didn't have much choice about being Gerry's friend. If Gerry decides you're going to be his friend, you don't have much choice about it. He calls. He invites. He emails. If you don't answer, if you can't make it, if you make plans and then cancel, he doesn't care. He keeps calling. He keeps inviting. He keeps emailing. The man is relentless in his mission to connect."
"What if, instead of treating social life as something you inhabit, you treated it like something you made? When I later asked Gerry what he meant, he told me a story about a man we knew, a man who, when all is said and done, was an asshole. They were having some random fight about politics, and as it grew more and more heated, the asshole said: I don't think we can talk any more, we're too far apart."
Gerry, an 85-year-old man, relentlessly maintains friendships by calling, inviting, and emailing regardless of responses or cancellations. He has many friends and stands out amid widespread male loneliness because he actively works at his relationships. He advises to "Never lose a friend" and treats social life as something to be made rather than simply inhabited. He refuses to allow others to end friendships and persists in reaching out week after week. Taking total responsibility for sustaining social bonds and persistently reconnecting even when others withdraw keeps friendships alive over decades. This proactive approach prioritizes effort over circumstance.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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