#boundaries

#boundaries

But sometimes, communication between partners fails to achieve clarity and directness; sometimes it leans into passive-aggressive criticisms instead. We've all been there, and we have likely felt uncomfortable when someone lands a jab against their partner in our presence. The partner ends up feeling embarrassed and may struggle to reply, since they usually can't respond in kind without escalating the conflict in public.

By the time I pulled into the driveway, the only things on my mind were a hot shower and no fewer than 16 hours of sleep. But as soon as I opened the door, my three cats immediately surrounded me, taking on the role of a furry TSA team and inspecting all my bags thoroughly. They had been waiting expectantly, and despite my sheer exhaustion, they reminded me that dinner time doesn't wait, no matter how tired I am.

There were times during my childhood when I remember being exhausted by the antics of my energetic, spontaneous younger sister and sensitive younger brother. With three kids, there was also almost always a two-against-one situation. I was either paired up with a kid who would do my bidding, or I was the enemy of the younger two, when my demands got to be too much.

My boyfriend and I are doing a trial run before we get married. I am renting out my condo and we are renting a house. He has a 10-year-old son with 50-50 custody. We generally get along because I make sure to keep in my place: I am not a parent and make sure that his father is the authority figure. The problem is that his ex-wife thinks she can treat me like an unpaid nanny with zero impact or input.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend called me asking if she could crash at my place that same day. I thought that was super-rude. She was visiting someone else but didn't want to stay at that house because her other friend has a husband and two children, and I have more room. I felt very uncomfortable with her just unexpectedly telling me she wanted to stay at my place instead of getting a hotel room.

People will sometimes read a story or see something online that upsets them and want others to feel that same level of distress so that they know they're not alone. What this response often lacks is consent. Yes, the news is public information, but how we receive that information, process it and react to it is still personal. She didn't respect a boundary that you set. That says to me she was less interested in commiseration than in misery.

Assertiveness is the ability to express your feelings, thoughts, and needs in a way that is clear, honest, and respectful. It is the balanced space between passivity and aggression. Passive behavior avoids conflict at all costs, often leading to resentment, frustration, or a loss of self-respect. Aggressive behavior, on the other hand, aims to overpower, control, or punish, creating fear and disconnection.

Mother-in-law disputes are nothing new; generations of daughters-in-law have wondered what on earth they did to deserve the MIL they got (whether that's good or bad). But now, there's a new system for figuring out exactly what type of behavior your mother-in-law is displaying - and how you can cope. In her forthcoming book You, Your Husband & His Mother, psychologist Dr. Tracy Dalgleish lays out six different types of mother-in-law, what each one wants, how she acts, and what you can do in response.

You're making an assumption about your wife's position on alcohol that might not be accurate. Is it really that she thinks a bottle of wine in the house means one of you will end up addicted? Or could it be that the sight of someone drinking, or even the smell of alcohol, brings up upsetting memories for her? Is it possible that it takes a lot for her to resist drinking, and she doesn't want to have to use that willpower at home?

Sturdy Saturn, the planet of structure and commitment, backtracks into mystical Pisces today, setting the week off to an emotionally mature start. Have your boundaries become hazy? Consider where you need to redraw the line and protect your energy. Be honest with yourself about areas where you have lost touch with your faith or discipline. The moon coasts through optimistic Sagittarius today, bringing inspired energy to uplift your conversations and mood.

One of the things that makes this so hard is that both you and Sue are hurting but you're hurting in different ways and for different reasons. Those differences have made it difficult for you to align, but it's not impossible. It sounds like, when Sue told you that you don't know what it's like, she was attempting to communicate something very complex. And while it may not have seemed like it at the time, I think it was her attempt to let you in.

I hate to break it to you, but it probably will be awkward for a while, no matter what you do. No one likes to come face to face with people they'd rather leave in their past, let alone seeing them on a 9-5 basis in the same building. Even if you left the relationship on perfectly good terms, it still might be awkward as this person comes into your life again.