""You're not a team player" is an example of feedback that makes an assertion about a person's character. The receiver of this feedback is likely to experience a "fight, flight, or freeze" response because the feedback conversation has just become deeply personal. As a result, the feedback will not be heard by the receiver and therefore misses the opportunity to promote learning, growth, or improvement."
"For example: "In today's meeting, you talked over your colleagues on three separate occasions," gives the receiver the context for the feedback and the observable behavior. "The effect was that half of the team stopped participating, which means we're missing their input and we aren't creating the conditions for our best work," describes the impact of that behavior on the organization."
Feedback that targets observable actions and their organizational impact reduces defensiveness and preserves trust. Personal judgments about character commonly trigger a fight, flight, or freeze reaction that prevents learning and damages relationships. Clear, specific examples—such as citing instances of speaking over colleagues and describing how participation declined—provide context and clarify consequences. Behavior-focused feedback helps receivers stay open to the message and understand how to change. Training leaders in structured feedback approaches and awareness of impact improves the quality of conversations and supports team performance, growth, and credibility.
Read at Fast Company
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