""When I grow up, I want to be a concert pianist," he said, his voice cracking as he stared at his tattered sneakers. He anticipated praise, imagined his teacher's delight, and envisioned himself performing in concert halls to cheers and shouts of "Bravo!" "Sorry, Nathan," she sighed bitterly. "You just don't have the talent." Over 60 years later, those words still sting. "I felt absolutely crushed and worthless," Nathan recalls, "Not just as a musician but as a person as well.""
"Words have enormous power in children's lives. As adults, how we speak to children often takes root in their unconscious. Our words can inspire and lift, or hurt and crush. The impact of Nathan's early experiences with his piano teacher cannot be underestimated. Individuals in my weekly therapy groups often confess that they feel haunted by the critical words of adults from their childhood-adults who thoughtlessly undermined their dreams in an instant with a critical phrase or sentence."
Critical words from adults can take root in children's unconscious and shape lifelong beliefs about talent and worth. Physical punishment and repeated lack of belief can cause children to abandon aspirations and internalize failure. Dreams set aside in childhood can be revived at any age through determination, hope, supportive mentors, goal-setting, and connection to positive communities. A new teacher or mentor can reframe skill and possibility, while a supportive community provides encouragement and accountability. Late-life achievements demonstrate that persistent effort and encouragement can overcome decades of doubt and reclaim previously abandoned ambitions. Specific steps include finding new teachers, setting achievable goals, and joining positive communities that foster growth.
Read at Psychology Today
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