"If I'm honest, the process is still unfolding, but with less "aaaaggggghhhhh"and more "oh." Having mentally swapped Nemesis Infernofor It's a Small World, I can now look back with deep compassion for that younger version of me at the start of perimenopause. She was the one frantically Googling her way through a vortex of symptoms, never quite able to figure out whether it was a brain tumor or an underactive thyroid gland."
"My mind would go blank on stage. The keyboard started looking like a fuzzy blob of jelly. My heart would pound through the night for no apparent reason. I gained a spare tire around my middle. I'd walk into town and have a panic attack, clutching the wall of a bank while strangers side-eyed me with pity or concern. My libido shot through the roof like a horny teenager."
Perimenopause began around age thirty-five and progressed over a decade, producing cognitive lapses, visual disturbances, heart palpitations, weight gain, panic attacks, heightened libido, and intense rage. Sleep became severely disrupted, especially after a traumatic ten-day tour at age forty-two, leading to prolonged exhaustion. Medical searches and consultations failed to provide clear answers, prompting anxiety and confusion. Symptom intensity has lessened over time but continues to evolve, with increased self-compassion and partial understanding emerging. The experience involved misattribution fears (brain tumour, thyroid dysfunction), social discomfort during panic episodes, and relationship strain due to mood volatility.
Read at Tiny Buddha
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