"Sacks was referring to specific points in the past, which we may cite as examples of nostalgia. But his comment reveals something deeper, which applies to obsessiveness, broadly, and perfectionism, specifically. Both often entail a preoccupation with a lost past, but one that substantially differs from anything resembling reality. While nostalgia romanticizes the past, it, at least, captures some part of it. With perfectionism, the longing is often for the possibilities of one's past, rather than for the past itself."
"Perfectionists, who struggle with accepting their limitations and the general unfairness of their lives, attempt to transform their lives in a manner that aims to protect them from emotional onslaughts in the future. They hope to become smart enough, beautiful enough, and/or strong enough to feel completely secure, never again having to worry about others' opinions of them."
Perfectionism involves persistent longing to recreate perceived missed opportunities and to build an unassailable future security. Perfectionists fixate on possibilities from the past rather than the past itself, often feeling cheated by circumstances or choices, and sometimes blaming parents or external pressures. Efforts aim to transform current life to prevent future emotional onslaughts by becoming smarter, more attractive, or stronger. Nostalgia romanticizes parts of the past, while perfectionism idealizes unrealized potential. Intense fear of grief motivates perfectionist striving, yet facing grief offers genuine emotional remedy.
Read at Psychology Today
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