#couples-therapy

#couples-therapy

As a couples therapist, I often work with people who say things like, "My partner is so avoidant," or "I think she might be a narcissist," or whatever the latest psychological buzzword happens to be. These days, diagnostic language from psychology and social media has seeped into our everyday conversations. In earlier decades, people came into therapy saying, "He's selfish," or "She's too controlling." The words have changed, but the impulse is timeless: When someone hurts us, we want an explanation.

A previous post summarized the many myths about desire differences and the sex- therapy approach to resolving them-using either self-help or professional therapy. The sex-therapy program helps many couples-but not all. Recently, Canadian researchers reported an effective new approach, eight weeks of group therapy that produced significant benefits. It's based on reimagining lovemaking to facilitate sex worth wanting. What if Low Desire Is a Reasonable Response to Lackluster Sex?

In my sex therapy practice, I see a respectable number of couples in heterosexual relationships where the presenting issue is that the male partner has been engaging in sexual behavior with other men and has kept this secret from his girlfriend or wife...until it was no longer secret. Needless to say, by the time these couples come to see me, their relationship is in deep crisis. I would like to address a few of the common issues that these couples face.

When we first met, 12 years ago, my husband and I didn't waste any time in starting the sexual part of our relationship. He warned me he was a sex addict, and I am enthusiastic about sex. On our first night together I was aware of some erectile dysfunction he wasn't entirely hard and benefited from holding himself when penetrating me though this didn't stop us reaching climax. We joked about how many times I would orgasm and neither of us seemed inhibited.

Neutrality in couples therapy means the therapist stays balanced and impartial toward both partners. It's about not taking sides, but instead validating each person's feelings and perspectives. Rather than focusing on blame, the goal is to improve the relationship dynamics so the couple can improve their skills and move forward together in a healthier way. Neutrality can sometimes cause more harm than good However, in some cases, neutrality in couples therapy can be damaging, especially when therapists work with clients who are experiencing high conflict, having trauma, or experiencing a power imbalance.

An expert evaluation for couples includes joint and individual interviews, feedback, and planning to enhance the relationship understanding and address challenges.

Relationship discord often arises from unprocessed trauma-related experiences. EMDR aids in addressing these issues, enhancing the effectiveness of EFT in couples therapy.

You might assume the honeymoon phase is just nature's way of making romance exciting. That's partially true. During this stage, your body is flooded with dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin—the neurochemicals responsible for pleasure and reinforcing bonding.

Real emphasizes that shifting from blame to emotional responsibility is key in deepening connections between couples. "When one partner takes ownership, it creates healing opportunities."

ADHD affects more than 5 percent of adults, and in relationships, its impact often shows up subtly at first—typically in the form of missed appointments, unfinished chores, forgotten conversations.

Retroactive jealousy involves obsessive thoughts about a partner's past, leading to distress and compulsive behaviors similar to those found in OCD.

Living apart helps us grow as individuals and as a couple. It doesn’t mean we’re divorcing or seeing other people; it's about autonomy.