GEORGE BONANNO: The big question, really, when I think about trauma is how do most people respond to the things that we think of as traumas? I tend to use the word potential trauma or potentially traumatic event. And that's because events are not traumatic, they're potentially traumatic, but how do most people respond? We know that some people get PTSD, but what do most people, how do most people react?
Forgiveness, defined as a moral virtue, benefits both the forgiver and the offender. Yet, misunderstanding forgiveness as self-serving distorts its true essence. True forgiveness involves good-willed actions towards offenders, not just self-healing. Distinguishing forgiveness from emotional relief preserves its moral virtue. I often say when interviewed about forgiveness that about 99 percent of the people who attend my talks actually misunderstand what forgiveness is.
