#postpartum-depression

#postpartum-depression

I was hunched over the kitchen table, tracking ounces on a laminated chart with a dry-erase marker, crying so hard I couldn't see the numbers. It was 2:40 a.m. My nipples were bleeding. Lily was screaming. And the book said she should be sleeping. "Stretch feeds to four hours," it said. "Teach her to self-soothe." So I shushed. I swaddled. I walked in circles around our dark apartment, whispering affirmations I didn't believe.

A recent French study found that a specific species of bacteria can improve maternal behavior in stressed rat mothers. The researchers stressed the rats by putting them in the rat equivalent of a crowded subway car. The stressed rat moms neglected their newborns. But when the scientists put Lactobacillus reuteri into their water, normal maternal behavior was restored.

As a mother, it was really hard to separate what I would do as opposed to what she would do. And it was just heartbreaking.

Lawrence gives the kind of unleashed performance film festival Best Actress prizes are made for in the psychosexual frenzy of postpartum grief.