"I can't work up the courage to talk to any of my friends when I'm having mental health issues. It hits the worst for me usually at 4-5 am, and I never want to wake anyone up when I'm having panic attacks that late due to my intrusive thoughts, even though being around people helps. I'm in a safe place and have a therapist/medication, but it feels like I'm not getting better every time I find myself back in this situation."
"I know that's not true. It just sucks."
I struggle to summon the courage to contact friends during mental health crises. Episodes are worst around 4–5 a.m., when panic attacks and intrusive thoughts peak. I avoid waking others even though social presence eases symptoms. I have a safe living situation and receive therapy and medication. Recurring returns to this state create a sense of stagnation and frustration, despite knowing recovery progress exists. The late-night timing, intrusive thoughts, and reluctance to burden others reinforce isolation and make reaching out feel particularly difficult.
Read at Portland Mercury
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