"The lie wasn't just the extra answer I filled in. The deeper lie was the belief that I wasn't okay as I was-that I needed to win, to be chosen, to be "smart" to be worthy. Versions of that lie have popped up over and over again, pulling me away from Wise Effort. Over time, four big ones emerged: I should feel good all of the time."
"Kids lie all the time. There's even a developmental bump in lying in middle childhood. As theory of mind develops, kids get better at lying. It's actually a sign of social intelligence: They care about reputation, shame, and fitting in. The deeper lie I was bumping into wasn't just cheating on a test. It was the belief that life should match my preferences. I lied because I lost. I didn't like what life had to offer. I wanted Ms. Foley to like me."
A childhood incident of cheating revealed a deeper belief that worth depended on winning, being chosen, or appearing smart. Four recurring self-deceptions were identified: constant happiness is required; fixing things is necessary to feel better; happiness will come later; and there is no way out. Lying increases in middle childhood as theory of mind develops and reflects social intelligence tied to reputation and fitting in. The deeper problem is expecting life to match personal preferences, which fuels dissatisfaction when facing health issues, painful relationships, difficult living conditions, or unjust political systems. These lies divert attention from Wise Effort and acceptance.
Read at Psychology Today
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