"Of course you care about this! You have cockroaches and mice living in your house! This isn't about mismatched cleanliness standards-this is a health hazard. You can't "care less" about pests and rotting food. That's not an option. Your partner's ADHD is real, but "she just doesn't see mess" stops being an excuse when vermin are living in your home. ADHD means she needs systems, not that basic sanitation is optional."
"She is extremely messy. Her parents are hoarders, and she's better than that, but she leaves dirty plates on the table forever, dirty clothes go on the ground for months. She puts trash next to the trash. She shoves rotting food to the back of the fridge. We have roaches and mice. She has ADHD and just doesn't see mess. I hate cleaning up after her constantly."
Cockroaches and mice in the home create an immediate health hazard that requires urgent sanitation and behavioral change. ADHD can make a person less aware of clutter, but lack of awareness does not excuse unsafe hygiene or pest-friendly habits. A weekly cleaner helps but does not replace daily basic tasks like disposing of garbage and removing rotting food. Implementing concrete systems, assigning clear responsibilities, and having a serious conversation about routines and expectations are necessary steps to stop infestations and reduce ongoing conflict over cleanliness.
Read at Slate Magazine
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