For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
Emotional labor refers to controlling one's emotions to carry out the demands of one's job. But here's what they don't tell you in the employee handbook: some of us perform this labor constantly, not just at work but everywhere. You're the one who stays calm when your boss is having a meltdown. You're the friend who listens to everyone's problems while keeping yours tucked away.
Recently, I was tasked with helping to train a new hire: a much younger guy who has a superior ranking to me. He picks up things quickly. But the issue is that he overshares personal information and asks too many personal questions. He has been having romantic issues, which he talked about with another person and me. One day, he even had an emotional breakdown (crying and yelling) at work, which required soothing and calming him down.
That same night, he texted me and asked if he could see me again at the end of the week. He sent a restaurant and a time and asked if that was OK with my taste and schedule. I agreed. Over the next few days, he texted and called me, and we had good conversations. It all felt so intentional.
But Love is Blind Season 10? Well, this is the season that really hammers home just how much work women put into a relationship - even one separated by a hypnotic glowing wall. Look, the season just started, so of course we can't jump too far ahead. But in the six episodes that have dropped, there's a giant theme of smart, capable, bad*ss Ohio women who know their worth still having to plod the men along and be the person who knows how to actually handle a relationship. It's giving major ick.
For Sam and Avery, the argument didn't begin as an argument. It came up the way it often did, in the margins of an already long day. Avery had stayed late at work again. Sam had handled dinner, emails from the school, and a tense phone call with Avery's mother, who still stumbled over pronouns and pretended not to notice when corrected.
To have a good relationship, you have to put in effort. Your effort should go towards communicating well, for example, learning to bring up concerns in a considerate way and working on listening rather than getting defensive. You should also have the necessary, but uncomfortable, conversations that help a relationship thrive, such as conflict repair discussions and talks that help you work as a team to meet each other's needs.
Many parents believe they are being supportive when they say things like, "I'm just worried about you," or "We only want what's best for you." However, adult daughters can experience these same phrases not as care, but as criticism, control, or quiet disappointment. And it's brutal for a child to feel that from their parent. This disconnect was recently highlighted in an article by Avery White, who identified common phrases parents use with adult children that sound supportive but subtly communicate judgment.
They arrive on time, think clearly, and care about their clients. Outwardly, everything seems fine. In private, though, things can feel very different. A clinician's depression may not show up as clear despair. More often, it feels like emotional numbness, quietly withdrawing, or slowly losing interest in things that once mattered. Pleasure fades, curiosity lessens, and the work goes on, but it feels heavier and less alive.
Emotional labor is the work that underpins our lives. It's the thought and care that goes into everything, from what meals to make to what discipline style to use to deciding the best time to have a hard conversation. Emotional labor is what creates and nurtures communities and connections, and it's present in every interaction we have. What is emotional labor? In 1983, Arlie Russell Hochschild, the same sociologist who defined "the second shift," also coined the term "emotional labor."
At some point when I was running around doing a bunch of people's work for a project that was supposed to be supported by an entire group, I thought, "Wait a minute. Why am I in this by myself?! Then I remembered something that I'd heard from someone a few years prior that basically asserted non-reciprocal relationships are abusive relationships.
I invited a small group of close friends, ordered a round and let the night unfold without expectations. No theme, no outfit planning and definitely no after-party. This was not my usual approach. I typically mark birthdays with intention and spectacle, but this year I wanted quiet. I wanted something that didn't require logistics, spreadsheets or a credit card statement I'd be afraid to open.
These moments can make the work more visible, but they are not the only times it shows up. Behind all this joy and love is a lot of work. That is why being open about what is required and asking for help can be important. You can still have things the way you want them; you do not, however, have to do them all on your own.
When you stop to consider all that parents are juggling, it actually isn't so surprising anymore. There are kids' weekend and after-school schedules, spirit weeks (yet again) at their school, homework to manage, sports practices, dance events, band lessons, in addition to trying to also somewhat manage an adult life that also likely consists of work, responsibilities, relationships, plus physical health, and parental mental health needs.
One of the most infuriating things a partner can say to their wife is, "But you didn't tell me to do it!" There's just so much to unpack there - why is mom usually the one in charge of delegating tasks? Why are they the default managers of the household? And why can't dads take some initiative and figure out what needs to get done in the family sphere?
Have you ever misinterpreted a colleague's tone on a Teams chat? Or wondered what Mike meant by his face-without-a-mouth emoji in response to your carefully worded idea? A new book by University of Auckland Business School Associate Professor Barbara Plester explores how communication, fun, humor and happiness are evolving in the age of hybrid work. "Hybrid Happiness: Fun and Freedom in Flexible Work" investigates the social and emotional effects of flexible work.
There's a moment in Black Panther (2018) when T'Challa stands before his father in the ancestral plane, wrestling with what kind of king-and what kind of man-he's supposed to be. He's torn between duty and doubt, between the world's expectations and his own quiet hopes. That scene captures something I've seen, and lived, in real time. Many of us were raised to believe that strength is the only language we're allowed to speak.
This subtype is organized around the maintenance of personal comfort at other people's expense, which means the harm often arrives as what wasn't done-what wasn't tended, repaired, or shouldered-rather than as a spectacular display of grandiose arrogance. In reality, this flavor looks like an unfussy, "Don't make a big deal," peace-at-all-costs stance that masks an entitlement not to be bothered,
Women leaders often face an uphill battle to be taken seriously and rise to the top of their professions in a world characterized by male leadership. Once women enter midlife-often a time when both men and women begin taking on more serious leadership roles (think senior or executive-level positions)-that hill can feel even steeper if they find their work interrupted by sudden sweating, visible redness, or a struggle to find the right word in an important meeting.
A few weeks before my daughter's fourth birthday, I stumbled across an AI party planner called CelebrateAlly. "Looking to plan a themed party, a surprise bash, or just a relaxed get-together?" read a banner on its website, which promised that the app would take care of "all the details-themes, activities, and decorations." It also offered to write birthday cards, "capturing your heartfelt sentiments beautifully!"
Look, I don't claim to have all the answers, but as a millennial mom of three who feels a little flustered every morning when she opens her eyes and imagines what's out there in the world, waiting for us that day, I do have one: Everybody has their secrets. And I don't mean super dark, dastardly secrets, but just little things. Like when you told your bestie it was fine for her to cancel on you again, but really you went home and cried.
