#emotional-abuse

#emotional-abuse

I am a man who was widowed 11 months ago. I met a woman on a dating site, and we clicked immediately. We have been enjoying each other's company for several months. We have a long-distance relationship. She lives three hours away. Although she indicated on the dating site her status as separated for two years, she still lives in the marital house with her husband.

It wasn't helpful. It didn't make me feel any better about my situation, nor did it make me feel stronger. All it did was make me feel guilty. Guilty that I had given my daughter this man as a father, guilty that I had fallen for his tricks when clearly everybody else knew he was bad news, guilty that I was bad at picking partners.

She met him at work, and he has been known to jump from woman to woman there. I've heard that her fiancé will date women in his office and then all of a sudden start ignoring them-speaking to everyone around them but giving them the silent treatment. One woman already quit her job over how he treated her. Another chewed him out but says she won't give him the "satisfaction"

Signs she's avoiding or preparing to avoid me - I open the door off my dining room, call down, Mom, and she doesn't answer, even though I heard her moving around moments ago. She texts two-letter replies, such as OK and no. She locks the door off the dining room. She takes out her trash before sunrise. She stops feeding the squirrels and birds. She keeps her lights off. She keeps her phone off. She stacks cardboard boxes in the laundry room or garage or on the deck.

I am apparently too ambitious and goal-driven. Every time I got a promotion, started working on a project or a goal, or achieved something I'm happy about, ex-partners have gotten insecure and then started to humble and belittle me. I used to model, and everything was cool when they thought I'd just be pretty. But when they realize my mind is the most attractive thing about me, they're over it.

Have you ever gone completely quiet in the middle of an argument-your mind blank, your mouth frozen? Or felt so overwhelmed after a fight that you left-not just the room, but the relationship itself? I've been there. And for a long time, I didn't know why. I thought I was the problem, or maybe I was just cold. Unavailable. But I've come to understand something important:

"Nichole" was 10 when I started seeing her at her school. The school counselor reported that Nicole was talking about wanting to "cut myself in half," prompting concern. During our first session, she reported that she lives with her mom during the week and visits her dad every other weekend. This is common for many kids whom I see, as we live in a time of many diverse examples of family and parenting. In therapy, she began to talk about feeling scared to mention her dad around her mom. When asked why, she shrugged and said, "Because it'll make her mad."

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