I've always loved the story How the Grinch Stole Christmas. The Grinch is an angry, isolated misanthrope who hates all the fuss, decorations, family, and feasting that come with the holidays. So he vows to steal the gifts, the lights, and even the feast-so he can have some peace and quiet. Does this sound a little bit familiar? When I ask the couples in my online program how they bring romance, togetherness, and even spice to their holiday season, it becomes a silent night.
We are two weeks out from Christmas, which means that all across the land couples are at each other's throats. Christmas truly is the season of giving - giving your other half massive amounts of shit. The pre-Christmas fights range from the deeply inconsequential (what date to actually put up the tree) to the existential (why do we have to have three separate meats for the Christmas dinner?) to the make-or-break-a-marriage type (whose family gets the Christmas morning and whose family gets the afternoon).
One moment we were shaking the sand out of our sandals, the next we found ourselves carving the Thanksgiving turkey. While it's a fun and festive season, it can also be a time of heightened stress for many people. The busyness and non-stop pace can run us ragged-between decorating our homes, entertaining, attending countless work parties, and managing the hectic holiday shopping. The pressure to find the "perfect" gift for our friends and family can be downright grueling.
There is a holiday moment many of us know well: the quiet walk outside, the long exhale, the brief escape from a room full of people we love but sometimes struggle to navigate. This season carries both beauty and weight. It can draw out our best qualities- generosity, gratitude, warmth-and also uncover the places where we are still growing. I used to think this tension meant something was wrong-and honestly, part of me still does.
As a mom of six, Christmas used to feel like a pressure cooker. Every year, I tried to create the "perfect" holiday - the ideal gifts, the matching pajamas, the Instagram-worthy stockings. I spent December weekends navigating store aisles, scrolling for deals, or stressing that I wasn't doing enough. By the time Christmas morning finally came, I was exhausted, financially stretched, and secretly relieved when it was all over.
Next, greet the vanity issue: Will it matter if you wear the same outfit as last year to a dinner party? Probably nobody else will notice, and even if they do, they won't care. Do you get pleasure out of handwriting cards and mailing them? Do it if you enjoy it. If not, send a simple electronic card to those who matter most. Eliminate 30 to 50 percent of everything on your list.
It's mid-November, and Thanksgiving is right around the corner, which is great news for our taste buds. But the holiday season may also bring stress that can be hard on our stomachs, causing issues such as bloating, heartburn, or just general feelings of discomfort. On supporting science journalism If you're enjoying this article, consider supporting our award-winning journalism by subscribing. By purchasing a subscription you are helping to ensure the future of impactful stories about the discoveries and ideas shaping our world today.
Remember what's important and forget the rest. Obviously, some emotions are hard to manage: The automatic startle when we see a snake in the grass is hard to control. But the majority of our daily emotions are the result of how we think about the world. In one study, researchers recorded people at the airport reporting lost luggage to an airline. Even though the objective event was the same, people responded in different ways, from anger to anxiety to good humor.
While the holiday season is supposed to be a time of joy, connection, and lots of filling up on delicious holiday dishes, for many people, the pleasures fall short of their hopes. For some people, Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations inspire stress, the pressure to live up to family expectations, and overeating to feed one's emotional pain, along with psychological and/or physical isolation. Parents juggle restless kids in unfamiliar settings, hosts fret over creating "perfect" gatherings, and privacy can be hard to come by.
I was mid-meltdown one Christmas, with toys to buy, impossible relatives to search for, cards to send, turkeys to secure, families to see (you know the drill), when my friend leant an understanding ear. She took a pause and said, 'Christmas can be any day you know, it doesn't have to be the 25 th.' And for the first time in my adult life, the bauble dropped.